Today’s scripture: Philippians 2:12-18 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (Bradley Compton):
I was an atheist in my early 20s. Several factors contributed to this, the most salient was my college major: philosophy. Philosophy provided the intellectual tools, knowledge, and skills to deconstruct nearly all fastly held beliefs that most of us take as given. I often baited believers into arguments. I knew what they would say before they said anything, because I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian home. Early on I witnessed how self-serving and sadistic this was. I became an atheist gradually. However, when I showed Christians what I saw ( i.e., that their beliefs were as intellectually foundationless as mine once were) within the short timeframe of a theological debate, I saw an inexpressible horror in their eyes. Moral pressure within me curbed this arrogant behavior, but my disbelief persisted.
To this day I’ve heard no truly compelling argument for God’s existence, but can recite plenty against. You’re likely thinking: “Didn’t you say that you USED to be an atheist?” My belief in God returned one evening as I sat on the floor with a fifth of vodka in my hand. I spoke to God — and God responded with unequivocal compassion. Belief didn’t return through empiricism or reason, i.e., nothing perceivable or rational convinced me; my faith returned in a subjective thoughtless momentary flash because I desperately NEEDED to believe. Ironically, even though philosophy seemed to disclose a godless universe, the nineteenth century philosopher Kierkegaard articulated the meaning of faith in a way I could work with without compromise, without ignoring the constant nagging doubt.
The title of one of Kierkegaard’s treatises cites today’s verse from Philippians: “. . . work out your own salvation with fear and trembling . . .” In much the same way that the Tower of Babel failed to bring us closer to heaven, a horizon — an empty abyss just outside my human limitations — always surrounds my efforts to find God through reason and knowledge, seemingly confirming how lonely and godless life and the world is. Sounds similar to hell, doesn’t it? Cast into the outer darkness? This treacherous place surrounds and threatens to swallow me at every moment, but it is a blessing if I can see it as that from which Christ saves me. This place, where I am weakest and hurting and most confused, makes submission and acceptance of God’s grace simple and easy. Kierkegaard states that a relationship with Christ is profoundly subjective and one cannot point to or speak of it the way one can with a mathematical proof or a stone on the ground. Moreover, trusting in Jesus requires believing something that is logically impossible. The church teaches that Jesus embodies deity (omniscience, omnipresence, omnipotence, omnibenevolence) and humanity (ignorance, finitude, limitation, self-centeredness) — Jesus is the God we can both worship and with whom we can share mutual empathy.
Thought for the day: Jesus, save me. Help me hold fast to the word of life about which Paul speaks. Fill me with your Holy Spirit so that I can be you to those who are hurting and lost. Let my faith only grow stronger when confronted with its adversary — doubt. Let my doubt make it easier to rely on you and seek you in those who are lost as I often am.
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.