Today’s scripture: Matthew 27:1-10 (NRSV) (KJV) (The Message) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (Penny Dean):
My dad is the only person I’ve ever heard say, “I have no regrets.” I tend to believe, rather, that we’ve all done or said things we regret. I know I have. Almost two years ago, I totally mishandled a situation with my then-best friend. I was trying to protect her and, as a result, ended up grievously hurting her instead. I have lost her friendship and consequently wish every day that I had acted differently.
Judas, I believe, was in a similar situation. I doubt that when he agreed to betray Jesus, or when he kissed Jesus in the garden, that he knew the ramifications of his actions. Only when he realized Jesus was doomed did he see that his actions had major long-term consequences. One of those consequences was that Judas’ name was forever linked with two words that are tinged with malice: betrayer and traitor.
Yet we don’t know the whole story. Why did Judas decide to betray Jesus? Was it just for the money? I find it interesting that he apparently spent none of the silver before he tried to give it back. Maybe, as in The Gospel of Judas, Judas believed he was doing the right thing to preserve the faith he knew. Or, as in Nikos Kazanzakis’ The Last Temptation of Christ, Judas had planned his betrayal with Jesus in order to bring about Jesus’ certain death and fulfill prophecy.
I have two points to make: First of all, nothing is ever quite what it seems. The gospel accounts were written decades after the events and Judas could be seen in hindsight as being greedy. I did not lie to my best friend out of cruelty or hatred, even though she believes differently. I did it out of love, to protect her. And as a result, like David regarding Bathsheba (Psalm 51:3), “my sin is ever before me” because I work with her nearly every day.
Secondly, God can take our mistakes and use them for good. If Judas hadn’t betrayed Jesus, where would Christianity be? It would have come about, but would it look the same? I don’t know what good will come of my situation with my former best friend, but I have to believe that her broken heart and my continuing remorse are not the end. I am not without hope. This may be the only way, however, for me to let go of something that stood between me and God.
According to Matthew, Judas hung himself after attempting to return the blood money. There was no opportunity for forgiveness or making amends. On the other hand, Jesus was descended from David and Bathsheba — living proof that good can and does come from mistakes.
Thought for the day: If you could re-do something from your past, what would it be and why? Have you ever found a blessing in disguise?
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the guidelines on the How to Pray page.