Today’s scripture: Matthew 18:21-19:1 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (Lynnette Pullen):
In our family, we love spending time together, but life sometimes gets a bit hectic, and we have a hard time getting together. Several months ago, we came up with the idea of family night, with the specific intention of having fun with each other on a regular basis. We let the kids pick the location and the event, and, of course, we fund it. I remember a time when my son picked an arcade that we have frequented for a couple of years. He and I had this really cool mother-son tradition where we play a zombie shooting game called “House of the Dead.” The goal is always to get a little further than we got the last time we played. Sometimes, we get so into it that we draw a crowd. It’s a blast, and I really feel like I’m part of his world when we play. However, when we went this time something different happened.
I approached him and asked if he was ready to play “our game.” He said, “No.” Now, this is not unusual because sometimes we wait until the end of the night to play. However, the night went on, and he was completely uninterested in playing with me. I thought, “OK, maybe he is sick of zombies.” I offered to play a racing game with him. Nope. “What about this new scary game over here?” Nope. Hmmm. Now I was starting to feel rejected. Deflated, I wandered over to a car racing game and plopped down. I saw my son out of the corner of my eye, sort of watching me. I turned around and said, “Do you want to play?” He said “Yes!” My heart lept for joy! Excited (like any gamer Mom), I set my seat position and started to insert the coins. My son sits at the game next to me, casually looks at me, and says, “Hey, Mom, I’m out of money. When we are done, can I have some of your coins?” Understand, we made a rule that everyone gets the same amount of money; and when you run out, that’s it. “No,” I say, “Ready to play?” He shakes his head and says, “Never mind,” and with that, he walks away.
There is a saying that when kids are little, they step on your toes; and when they grow older, they step on your heart. I think my son was wearing cleats when he stepped on mine. I felt like a fool! I’m standing in the middle of this arcade trying to hold back what felt like Hoover Dam. He only wanted to be around me to get more money…on family night, no less! He used to love spending time with me! I wanted to scream at him, “Hey! Parents have feelings, too!” But instead, I just watched him from a distance, while he finished out the night. I never spent the money I saved for our zombie game. I guess I was still holding out hope that he might want to spend time with me yet. He never did.
Later when I was reflecting on this incident, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I heard God speaking to my heart, saying, “I have feelings, too. I miss you.” At first I was thinking, “But I pray all the time.” However, after some thoughtful reflection, I had to admit that I mostly pray when I need something. My prayers are not necessarily selfish in nature, though. I pray for the safety of my family and friends, for provision, for guidance, and for clarity; but I’ve not intentionally come to God and said, “Hi, I just want to be with you right now,” in quite some time. I never really thought of God as having hurt feelings before. That was convicting, but I felt so loved that God just wants to spend time with me, much like I want to spend time with my kid.
When I read the parable of the unmerciful servant, I was reminded of this incident. Many times in life the thing we most dislike or criticize someone about is often the same thing that we ourselves are guilty of doing in some way, but we just don’t quite see it.
Thought for the day: Thank you, God, for loving us enough to just want to spend time with us. Forgive us for getting so caught up in life that we get into a habit of only coming to you when in need. We know that you care about and want to meet our needs, but you also want to be a part of our daily lives. Since we are made in your image, we know this must grieve your heart as it does ours. And in our humanness, we can sometimes judge, condemn, and criticize others for making the same mistakes we don’t realize that we are making. Forgive us and help us to use these moments as a tool for self-improvement instead. Amen.
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.