We’re looking at “building blocks” for soul growth. Today: the building block of the Discipleship Decision.
Today’s scripture: Mark 10:28-31 (NRSV) (KJV) (The Message) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (Julie Benson):
When I resigned over three years ago as Minister of Worship (after more than ten years at Jesus MCC) and withdrew from all of my extracurricular music activities to begin a new career, it created quite a stir of questions from friends and colleagues. “How can you throw away the musical gifts God has given you — not to mention the education you paid for?” “Is there something that upset you that is making you quit?” “Why would you choose a field so different from your current skill set?” “Do you realize you will be disappointing many people?”
It was my love for God that caused me to carry out my church duties with thoughtfulness and sincerity. Every component of worship that was under my purview was carefully crafted and I ended up becoming a worship and music critic at home and away. I examined the flow of the service. I observed the presentation. I watched body language. I timed each element. I scrutinized the congregational response — the nods, the smiles, the laughter, even the tears. Instead of being a model of worship, as my title would suggest, I felt like I was the opposite because of these distractions.
Participating in church and in my other music organizations was not a ME experience. I felt like I was serving God and serving my community with the gifts I had been blessed with. But what I realized is that my personal relationship with God suffered. I spent so much time doing things FOR God that I wasn’t spending enough time WITH God. This doesn’t mean I wasn’t reading scripture or praying, or that I wasn’t taking discipleship classes or authentically lifting up my music for God’s glory. I was following Christ and trying to live as a disciple. But it wasn’t enough.
God was speaking to me and calling me into a new time and a new place to learn more about myself, more about God, and to renew our relationship together. Fear and doubt could have stopped me. Familiarity and comfort could have turned me back around. The desire to “have it my way” and to garner the respect of my peers could have left me blinded.
The transition into the wilderness of truck driving was, admittedly, challenging. I missed music: singing, playing, listening, and bonding with the Spirit in a worship environment. I missed teaching. I missed leading. I missed the fellowship. I missed Pastor Jeff’s jokes (well, maybe not so much). There were some tough days out on the road when I grieve lost jobs, mourn my music community, and distress about difficult-to-maintain friendships.
Ironically, in a varied sense of this passage’s meaning, I have long felt I was, in many regards, “first”: a leader, a teacher, knowledgeable in my field, a well-regarded musician, and experienced with success. But being out on the road made me feel “last”: a follower, a student, a rookie, an unknown, and experienced with failures that come with the learning process.
Now, I’m not suggesting you quit your job, give up your church ministry, live like a hermit, or give up your passion for chocolate. But ask yourself: Are you mapping out a plan for your life? Do you know where you want to be in ten years? I did. But God is funny. God will call us anytime and anywhere. We may have to scale down our possessions. We may have to switch jobs. We may have to move across the country. We may have to go back to school. We may have to learn how to live waaaaay outside the box. We will have to learn humility, patience, and the practice of self-sacrifice because when God calls, we must answer. This is what it means to be a follower of Christ.
Thought for the day: Do you know exactly where you’re going? What would you do if God asks for a “course correction”?
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the guidelines on the How to Pray page.