Today’s scripture: Romans 8:38-39 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (David Zier):
Have you ever had one of those days or weeks (or even month or year) where you felt that God was so far away? Even though our minds can say that God is always present, sometimes it is hard to feel and embrace it.
About ten years ago, I was in a place that seemed really stuck. I felt it in my bones that God wanted me to do something else. Something different, something challenging, and change the direction I was headed in. I was happy in my job, doing very well, and traveling to many countries around the world. I was involved in new technologies that were at the cutting edge of medical breakthroughs for saving lives. But I was no longer satisfied with what I was doing.
I was confused. I was not sure where this was coming from. I thought God had left me abandoned and I had to figure it out on my own. I grew frustrated. I remember telling Jeff, my spouse, that I really loved my job and all that I was doing and the exciting new things I was involved in, but my heart was moving in a different direction, and I was not sure what was going on. I was not 40 yet, so I guess it was not quite a mid-life crisis. It weighed me down, and I just could not put my finger on it.
One day, when I was in Washington D.C. for work and family time, I took some time to walk around down town, visit museums and memorials, which I had not done in quite some time. I remember walking into The Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle. I had visited before, but at this time, it was under one of the phases of its restoration. I sat down for a while, pulled out a Bible, and just casually thumbed through it. I started looking around and was reminded of some of the beautiful works of art that I had seen in previous visits. As I sat there, I remember feeling like I was under restoration, just like this building, but I could not exactly articulate what that meant. I remember reading something on a paper in front of me quoting Romans 8:38-39. I remember thinking it was as if the voice of Jesus was speaking the words to me as I read it. Matthew’s church, Paul’s words, Jesus’ voice. Are you nuts, David?
I am writing this as if I remember this with fine detail, but I never remembered this incident until this morning before writing this. It is one of those things in life where something significant happens, one of those God moments, and at the time, it just seemed insignificant. I remember vividly thinking that I am not really separated from God. God was right there with me. As if to prove it, there was a statue signifying God right there in the building, off in the distance where I could not walk since that area was roped off. It was a step of growth for me, but it did not seem as monumental then as it does right now.
How poignant. Even though I somehow felt isolated and roped off from God, it was all my doing. Maybe I was supposed to write this Be Still today, so this memory somehow got put away into storage in the brain, to be retrieved at this time to have a better understanding, even now.
I later came to terms with this time in my life. I was really struggling with God and where God was leading me. A few years later I started seminary, then graduated, was ordained, and am now completing a Spiritual Director Internship program at a local monastery. It is funny how God could stir me up, and get me to a place of discomfort until I was able to follow. But the journey continues, as I discover that God has so much more for me, and for all of us!
Question for the day: What is Jesus speaking to you right now?
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.