Today’s scripture: Psalm 28 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (Linda Bernabie):
In Psalm 28 David is pleading with the Lord to answer his prayers, but he was afraid the Lord may refuse his cries for help. When David realizes the Lord has heard his pleading, he is filled with song and gives thanks that God has given him strength and courage.
Like David, there was a time in my life when I felt abandoned by God. God did not abandon me; I abandoned God.
My husband of 40 years, Carmen, passed away, after he struggled to live for five months. Several days after the funeral, I drove the last of my family to the airport, and with a cascade of tears in my eyes I waved to them and assured them that I would be okay. As I left the airport, I was catapulted into a place where I had never been before. It was a place called “loneliness.” Then a feeling of anger at God rushed over me as I determined that my regular benevolent prayers had gone unanswered.
As I walked into my now empty home, for the first time in my life I felt disconnected from God. Where had God been for the five months while I was praying for my husband’s healing? Why was I ignored? “How could you do this to me, God?” At that point, my communication with God came to a halt. My prayers seemed useless . . . So why should I bother?
Months passed, and my anger turned to rage. I had cried my way through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Day, and Valentine’s Day. Now my birthday was approaching, and I was consumed with anger and bitterness.
Birthdays had always been special to us. We spent most of our early years of marriage with very little money, so the tradition became no expensive birthday gifts! Carmen’s gift to me was always a romantic birthday card and one white rose that he placed silently on the pillow next to me (before I woke up), so that I would awaken to the sweet scent of the lone white rose.
On the morning of my dreaded birthday I reluctantly opened my eyes, turned my head, and looked at an empty pillow. No rose! No card! No Carmen! With trembling in my voice I yelled, “Damn you, God! Why did you do this to me? Why wouldn’t you listen?”
I was finally ready to do battle with God! I dropped to my knees and yelled, “Why me, God?” I repeated my “prayer” over and over, “Why me, God?”, “Why me, God?”, “Why me, God?” As I continued my prayer, my screams gradually began to soften until finally they became a tranquil whisper, and then God began speaking to me. My heart had been so full of anger that I had made no room for healing. The rage had consumed me and had gotten in the way of my grief and deep sorrow. I knew I had to reach down and remove the anger so that I could make room for God’s love.
Now I give thanks to God for the gift of love, joy, and happiness. I do not mourn what I have lost, but I give thanks for what I have been given. On my birthday I buy myself one white rose and, like David in Psalm 28, my heart is filled with song and I give thanks for all the Lord has given me.
Thought for the day: “If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily.” (Gerald Good)
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.