Today’s scripture: 1 Corinthians 3:16 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (Angie Best):
I’m broken. Messed up. Crazy. Defective.
Anne Lamott writes that we secretly think this about ourselves and thus believe that’s why our parents were unhappy or abusive or unfaithful. When we are able to label ourselves as inherently flawed, we get a tiny sense of control in a setting that may be chaotic or confusing or cold. After all, if I am the problem, then it makes sense that my dad couldn’t stay or my mom was emotionally unavailable. They would have been good, nurturing caregivers, if only..
Our life goal then -is to be unbroken, non-defective, and perfect. Like magic, as children we believe that the more perfect we are, the more everything wrong gets put right in the world. It’s one heck of a survival tactic, and many of us who survived childhood traumas know it well. Even in the face of success- I have a good job, a graduate degree, a dozen published books- I can list my flaws far more easily than my book titles.
I crave the illusion of control and think somehow that by judging myself (or others), I can get a more firm grasp on the slippery slope of life. It didn’t work when I was 7, and it doesn’t at 47, either. That’s not how God created us to live.
Yet if we practice radical self-care and acceptance, we begin to heal and that healing doesn’t just change us. It radiates beyond us, in ripples that do, in fact, alter the very fabric of the universe. The love we give ourselves spills over onto others. My wife gives a homeless man a dog halter with a belt that we don’t need and his life improves radically in moments. When I’m giving a glass of water to someone else, my own thirst gets quenched in ways I don’t pretend to understand. When my focus is simply on love and mercy and grace, then there’s room for the Spirit of God to be at work.
As the poet Mary Oliver says, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”
I can choose whether to spend this one precious life trying to create the illusion I have control over my circumstances or I can taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who I am and the One who made me.
Thought for the day: What will the focus of your day be? Cataloguing your sins and those of people around you, or looking for ways to let the Light in?
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.