The Time Pastor Jeff Helped Me Believe in the Devil

Today’s scripture: Isaiah 50:4-11 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?

My thoughts (Kirsten Shaw):

Note: Kirsten’s passage of Isaiah 62 ran out of order on August 30. This was the devotional that should have been posted. You are welcome to go back to August 30 to keep in order. Today, we are running the Isaiah 50 passage. We will continue with Isaiah 63 tomorrow.

I’ve been a fat woman my entire adult life. Some of my chunky-butted friends have let their weight stand in the way of fully loving themselves. But why? What harm is done by serving as grand marshals in our own Yay-Me Parades? What better way to practice love, kindness, and grace than by offering them to our perfectly imperfect selves?

I hold a similar philosophy about God. As I’ve told some of my atheist friends, if my faith inspires me to make stronger, better choices filled with integrity and compassion, then what is the harm?

Whether we’re talking about loving our bodies for what they can do more than how they look, or embracing God as our dual-functioning rock and soft place to fall, consciously choosing to believe can transform us.

Recently, I made a transformative choice to believe in Satan. Until a couple months ago, I had only thought of the Devil as some skinny guy in red tights, sporting a horned tail and holding a pitchfork, ready to stab away at the goodness in the world. I accepted God and Jesus long ago. But the devil? Not so much. Believing in Satan somehow felt like an act of betrayal to my personal code of optimism.

However, despite my optimism and a life filled to the brim with blessings, the last year of my life was eclipsed with an inexplicable darkness. No matter the number of counseling sessions attended or medication adjustments made, I couldn’t shake my depression.

Then, one summer Sunday morning, Pastor Jeff, just like Isaiah in today’s reading, feathered the term “God’s adversary” into his words. How many times had I heard the word “adversary” and never incorporated it into my relationship with God? It was the same concept as the devil, but Pastor Jeff connected the dots in a way I never could.

I suddenly no longer saw Satan as an ominous fictional character, but rather a powerful force committed to keeping me from my spiritual potential. I went home that day and prayed about it. I asked God to help me understand that my depression was not caused by something flawed within me, but rather the work of the Lord’s adversaries. Thankfully, God obliged — and, for today, my darkness is gone.

I am at peace taking the medicine prescribed by my doctor. I am at peace taking the action steps recommended by my counselor. I’m also at peace knowing that Satan is real. But, mostly, I’m at peace knowing that, if the darkness begins to seep back in, I need only to chase God with ferocious joy and the Lord will protect me.

Thought for the day: We grow up being told that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. God remains the eternal exception. What burdens can God lift from your life? Choose to ask for the Lord’s help, and accept it!

We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.