To Not Grow Weary

Today’s scripture: Mark 9:17-24 & Isaiah 40:31 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?

My thoughts (Bradley Compton):

Even those of us of the nonconformist variety find it difficult not to look at January 1st as an opportunity to start over, to change ourselves or at least certain parts of our lives, for the better. Moreover, this otherwise arbitrary point on the iterative calendar may induce anxiety. “What if things don’t change?” “What if they keep getting worse?” “What if I lose something or someone precious to me?”

I write this devotional on the first day of my two week holiday break. I work in the K12 school system. My job requires no college degree and the combined income from my position and internship is barely sufficient to support myself. I received an advanced degree in 2009 after attending school until age 33. I invested so much of my identity into my future career as a higher ed academic that when it became clear that things would not go as planned, the scaffold holding up who I am seemed to collapse. After decades on this path, I felt assured God called me to that vocation — now I’m not so sure. Often during these past few years, I’ve felt like I consist of fractured inchoate pieces of a self that, even if by some miracle could be gathered together, couldn’t possibly be made whole. Sometimes when I isolate, my faith is circumscribed to brief rare moments of earnest prayer that vanishes the moment that my analytic mind turns on it, disclosing the seeming probability that my communion with God is merely an internal monologue that never leaves my skull. Needless to say, some years I can only feign enthusiasm when the ball drops in Times Square.

Bear with me — there’s “Happy New Year” coming up.

Today’s chosen passages juxtapose two equally earnest expressions of faith. Many of us have experienced the certitude of Isaiah that transcends our pain and worry, filling us with the kind of peace and energy that only the Holy Spirit can provide. Many of us, knowing the power of faith like the poor man whose son was afflicted in Mark 9, have cried out from the black pit of despair to God who seems to be either indifferent or not there at all. Because humans are so complex, we may vacillate between or even experience these two modes of faith simultaneously. I imagine this is no more true than during this frenetic time of year.

Thought for the day: God, in 2015 help us to believe even in our unbelief. Regardless of your will for us, we trust in the promise of your living Word from Isaiah that in the coming year, if we wait patiently for you in faith, none of us will grow weary in fulfilling her or his life’s purpose to be your grace and agency on this earth.

We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.