The Constructive and Destructive Power of Pain

Today’s scripture: Ephesians 4:25-5:1 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?

My thoughts (Ciémone Easter-Rose):

When I was a youth, my mother had copies of the verse from Ephesians 4:32 plastered all over our house. The version I remember was written as follows: “And be ye kind, one to another, tender-hearted and forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” She made a point of sitting down with my sisters and I to explain to us that she meant for us to apply this verse in relation to one another. I know that my mother wanted to teach us about our poor treatment of one another, but this verse alone didn’t really explain why that was so important. The entirety of today’s passage, however, not only reinforces the message she was trying to instill in us, but also provides a deeper understanding to the implications of not heeding it.

Growing up, I did some pretty awful things to my sister when I was angry with her. Frankly, I was downright abusive toward her. For years, I had been on a path with her that completely destroyed any sense of goodness that I had about myself. Eventually, at around the age of 15, I reached a point where I began to turn my anger inward and began to hurt myself instead of her. That sent me on an inevitable downward spiral that continued for years. It took years for me to develop an understanding about what all of my anger and self-loathing was really about and how actions such as going to bed angry (v.26), and speaking hurtfully toward others (v. 29) were damaging to my spirit.  I realize now that I hurt my sister because I was hurting — but that was not helpful to me. Ultimately, I just felt guilty for all of the pain that I had caused her, regret for the person my anger had allowed me become, and sadness about the loss of the closeness of a sisterly bond.

This scripture speaks to me of the importance of being mindful of the various “footholds” (v. 27) that I’ve allowed the devil to have in my life. I used to keep a lot of things bottled up inside — and, instead of speaking my truth, I hid my pain with anger. But this scripture demonstrates the healing power that can come from letting go of bitterness and malice (vs.31). When I entered the counseling profession, I found that exhibiting compassion and unconditional positive regard for my clients had a profoundly positive impact not only on them, but on my own spirit as well. I love my job because I get to teach people about being kind to themselves in the ways in which I hadn’t been kind to myself (or my sister) in the past. I can finally say now that the message that my mother meant to instill in me all those years ago has truly taken hold of my life and allows me to “do what is helpful for building others up according to their needs” (v. 29).

Question for the day: Will you be a builder or a destroyer in the lives of others?

We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.