Today’s scripture: 1 Corinthians 6:1-11 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (Linda Bernabie):
1 Corinthians tells us that we would be better off if we just let ourselves be wronged, forgive those who have wronged us, and move on. Wow, for me, that is a very difficult thing to do. “I’m just say’n!”
Maybe it is difficult because I was never really taught the true meaning of forgiveness or of being sorry. Forgiveness was just a form of placation. I am not sure why, but my family handled “sorry” and “I forgive you” as a trite and trivial thing.
I was the youngest of a “gaggle” of girls. My favorite thing to do was to make my older sisters’ lives as miserable as possible by humiliating them in front of their boyfriends. I accomplished this by loudly belching, passing gas, talking with drool running from my mouth, or any number of other ways to embarrass my older sisters. After one of these acts of total silliness, my targeted sister would eventually run and tell mom. Mom would stomp into the room, point her finger at me, and yell, “Tell your sister you are sorry, and then go to your room!!” I would hang my head in (seemingly) deep regret and quietly say, “I’m sorry.” I would turn away, smile and mumble, “Ah, another success!” I wasn’t really sorry. My mother knew I wasn’t sorry. My sister knew I wasn’t sorry, and therefore she never really forgave me.
These acts of mischief created a cloud over our home that would hang there until my sister chose to speak to me again (in spite of my failure to repent). Finally she would start speaking to me . . . I felt better, she felt better, and our home was transformed back into a reasonably content home. All was forgotten, not through forgiveness but through placation. My sister had not really forgiven me, and I wasn’t really sorry! Does this sound familiar?
In truth, forgiveness isn’t about the other person, it is about “us.” When we forgive, we let go of the bitterness and resentment that causes us spiritual or, in some cases, psychological damage.
We should forgive the wrong-doer even if she/he never apologizes or asks for forgiveness. Forgiveness does not require you to give the wrong-doer a clean slate, trust, or even reconciliation. Forgiveness doesn’t need to involve the wrong-doer at all! It is all about YOU! Forgiveness is about emptying your heart of the “bad stuff” and filling it with the “good stuff.”
Empty your heart of the bad stuff:
- The need for “payback.”
- Making assumptions about what happened.
- Obsessing about the incident.
- The need to feel you were right and they were wrong.
Fill your heart with the good stuff:
- The wrong doer’s own life struggles.
- Looking honestly at what happened.
- Understanding that one incident doesn’t erase everything that happened before.
- The knowledge that when Jesus was crucified, his last words were, “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Thought for the day: Holding onto anger, resentment, and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache, and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.