Relationship 101

Today’s scripture: 1 Corinthians 8:1-13 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?

My thoughts (Robert Ferguson):

One of the best recipes for ending up with a lonely life is living with the selfish belief that your way is the best way of doing things and insisting that others agree with you. Some people seem to have advanced degrees in a major called, “How To Be Absolutely Sure of Everything”! It’s almost like they are walking around believing, “It so because I think it is so.” People who feel constantly threatened and angry when others question their actions substitute being right for living a happy life. Living daily always on the defense, being in charge of the rights and wrongs of the universe, is no fun!

I experience this daily in my relationship. Early on when we first met, there seemed to be a lot of arguing between us. Having been single for a number of years prior to embarking on a new relationship, I had a set way of doing things in my life. I had a routine. When my soon-to-be-husband came along, he attempted to uproot my routine. That was difficult. I was absolutely sure of everything and certain that my way was the best and only way to do and handle everything!

As I began reading our verses for today I felt as if the church of Corinth had devolved into a society of people who believed that their way is the only way! Paul’s response to the Corinthians, who seem to have written him a letter asking for his guidance on the matter, seems to make two points that are useful to us today on our Christian walk. First, sacrificing meat to some non-existent small g god is of no consequence; and second, sometimes we have to be respectful of other points of view, even if we don’t agree! Wow, that is genius and for my money essentially amounts to Relationship 101.

Wanting and insisting on getting your own way is a set up for unhappiness. Rigidity in thinking leads to power struggles or submission from others and distancing. As Andre’ Maurois said, “Everything that is in agreement with our personal desires seems true. Everything that is not puts us in a rage.” People who are prone to anger have a set pattern of beliefs, attitudes, expectations, and behaviors that insist on getting their own way. They have a strong case of the “shoulds” and “musts” for others.

What we all want down deep, when we strip away the defenses of control, is to be loved. We want to feel safe. We want to be heard and understood. The fear of losing control, and the resulting hostility, is always a sign of needing the experience of deeply being loved but not knowing how to get it. Alas, anger to get what you want is a cry for love being armed with tools for war.

Love is more important than being right. Oh, the truth matters, but people matter more. Relationships are so delicate. They are so easily wounded — matter more. Relationships in our work places, relationships in our families, relationships in our churches; all of these are precious and delicate. Sometimes, for the sake of it, love says, “Bite your tongue before you speak the truth, even though it be the truth.” And sometimes love says, “Set aside your rights, for the moment anyway, however right you may be, for the sake of relationships that are more precious than your rights.”

Thought for the day: Truth matters, but love matters even more. Ideas are important, but people are even more important. Being right matters, but relationships matter even more.

We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.