Today’s scripture: Matthew 10:40-42 (ESV-text and audio) (KJV) (The Message) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (Penny Dean):
I’m not good at asking for help. In kindergarten, when an unknown assailant got in my supply box and left my paste open so that it dried out (because I always closed the lid tightly), I panicked. I never thought to ask for help or to borrow paste from a neighbor. Instead, I went through the motions of pasting together my construction paper Thanksgiving Indian. Then I carefully carried it up to the teacher’s desk where a gust of wind scattered the pieces like autumn leaves leaving me empty-handed and embarrassed. Not only did I feel violated, thanks to that unknown person, but I was humiliated. I vowed to guard my belongings fiercely so no one would ever take advantage of me again. This was a very traumatic moment in my five-year-old life.
I’m not sure how much I’ve grown in the years since, but I still find it hard to accept help. One reason for this is that accepting help requires me to open my hand and let go of what’s in it. It’s hard to receive anything when my hand is tightly clenched. Letting go of pride or stubbornness or independence is hard. Yet Jesus said, “Accepting someone’s help is as good as giving someone help. . . The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice.” (The Message) When put that way, accepting help doesn’t seem so bad.
Another reason I am reluctant to accept help is that I’m afraid of what I’ll lose. “What will he think of me?” “Will I lose face?” “How will I look?” Those are the thoughts in my head at such moments. On the other hand, what might I have gained by accepting help that day in kindergarten? I might have made a friend or learned to laugh at myself or discovered the joys of mucilage. Something good might have come out of asking for help. Like Jesus said in verse 42, “You won’t lose out on a thing.” (The Message).
He even said in previous verses in that same chapter that “If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself.” (v. 38-39)
I have learned to pry my hands open by giving. Whether it’s a little something in the tip jar at the coffee shop or buying candy a kid is selling or spending a little extra time with my mom, each baby step not only makes me feel better for having given, it also makes me more open to receive. My focus this year for my soul care plan is on the “G” block. Slowly, I am learning to be more generous, unclenching one finger at a time.
Thought for the day: Is there something between you and God that you can’t just let go of? What would happen if you did let go?
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the guidelines on the How to Pray page.