Today’s scripture: Romans 2:17-24 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?
My thoughts (Kristen Hermann):
Today’s reading speaks to the necessity of having a sincere relationship with God. After reading the passage, I recalled an experience from my adolescence when I heard a television preacher say God doesn’t hear negatives and therefore edits prayers. For example, per this preacher, if someone prayed, “Please don’t let my loved one be sick,” God would actually hear, “Please let my loved one be sick.” The preacher spoke with a certainty that I mistook for truth.
I was panicked and quickly tried to re-pray my thoughts in an acceptable manner. I was devastated that I had inadvertently asked for so many bad things to happen. At my first opportunity, I bought an instructional book on how to pray. I kept that book with me well into my adulthood, but no matter how many times I consulted it, I was never able to muster the types of prayers I felt were exemplary of a good Christian. I found myself not wanting to talk to God because I couldn’t do it “right.”
Today’s scripture says to me there is no “right,” no matter how “Christian” of an appearance, if the action or thought lacks sincerity. In the first season finale of the television show Saving Grace, the character Grace reacts to finding out the priest who molested her is still alive and tending roses while living in a family community. As she paces across her living room, she prays, “God…God…The Almighty God. You want me to talk to you? Turn to you? Believe in you? Why? Why should I trust you? Why should anyone trust you?” Despite later telling God, “I hate you,” she brings God with her as she begins to work through her rage.
I don’t think Grace could have prayed words any more “right” for her. In the scene her emotions were raw and her struggle to find strength to speak to God evident. It provided an example of another way to pray that, for me, embodies today’s scripture much more than the television preacher in my youth who had me censoring the most important expressions I could have. But I still struggle sometimes with finding the right words. The habit of questioning my delivery is a hard one to break.
Rather than stop praying due to a lack of words, I exist with God during my prayer time. I saw how to do this by watching the first season finale of the cartoon The Boondocks. Ten-year-old Huey is distraught at not being able to halt the execution of an innocent man he befriended on death row. As the minute of his friend’s death approaches, Huey staggers to the top of a hill in the rain and drops to his knees. He says, “I’ve never prayed before. I don’t even know who I’m praying to. Maybe I’m too young to know what the world is supposed to be, but it’s not supposed to be this. It can’t be. So please.” Without words, he just exists within all the conflicting emotions he feels.
Thought for the day: Only God knows whether sincerity exists within my acts of worship and relationship. What areas of my life need to be more “real” instead of what looks “right” to others?
We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.