No Advice Necessary

Today’s scripture: Romans 4:13-25 (NRSV) (The Message) (KJV) What might God be saying to me?

My thoughts (Vivian Wyatt):

On my rounds as a chaplain, I have encountered this scene many times; the phrases may be different and they may be uttered by a friend, family member or pastor but the idea is the same. Let me share one of these experiences.

I entered a room that held the patient and one or two family members. The patient has cancer and is in a considerable amount of pain. As I was entering, I hear, “Well, if you only had enough faith in God you would be healed by now. Have you been praying? You need to be storming the gates of heaven.” Can you imagine struggling with pain, nausea, fatigue, just to name a few ailments one faces when hospitalized with cancer, and then to have someone tell you that you wouldn’t be in this predicament if your faith were strong enough? That if you just believed enough, prayed hard enough, God would heal you.

This is NOT comforting to the patient. Patients are dealing with fear of death, anxiety of leaving loved ones, unfinished business and pain; they should not be browbeat into worrying about their relationship, or lack of a relationship, with God. Besides, neither you nor I can explain why some are healed and others are not. I have seen people who seem to be mean spirited and un-churched “take up their bed and walk;” and sweet little ladies who can quote scriptures backward and forward succumb to their disease.

Visiting someone in crisis, whether it is terminal illness, death of a loved one, loss of a job or any of the myriad of things that can happen in this life, can be a warm, comforting experience. Listen and let the patient talk. Remember you can’t fix it; advice is not necessary. Henri Nouwen, a Catholic priest, professor and noted author wrote the following:

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

Prayer for the day: God, help me to take your love, encouragement and grace with me, when I visit people in crisis and help me to leave condemnation at home. Amen!

We encourage you to include a time of prayer with this reading. If you need a place to get started, consider the suggestions on the How to Pray page.